Embrace the Paradox

As Real As Anything

How is it that I feel so inordinately
Everything you do
It becomes the sphere in which I work
Tracking the space between us
Like a touch
Reverberating when the distance closes
Never not noticing when you are there
Eyes searching for when you are not

It had become unbearable
The constant simmer boiling over inside me
I thought I had enough of it
And wished it gone because it hurt too much
To want so badly what could never be
Like a figment of my imagination

I had relished that secret yearning once
A sweetness just for me
A spice to the mundanity
Before forces pushed and pulled me out of shape

First, your absence taunted my longing
The void pulling at my heart so
This game playing me!
Then circumstances spelled out further upheaval
Drifting, discombobulated, waiting for better times
Somehow it all made the yearning grow too bright
Loose grip twisting and hardening

I knew you could see my struggle
How I squirmed as if under hot lights
My knowing that you knew increased my misery
Embarrassed, exposed, I grew resentful
I could not wait to flee and hope
That we would both continue to pretend
Another layer of “nothing” there

Now that exigencies have been dealt with
The frame returned to normal
Relief comes like a sigh
And we settle down again
Into subtle appreciation of one another’s existence
A sense of being alongside

I feel your wake as you pass
Soft and light, the brush of a feather
The small moments become enough again
Collecting little scraps
Like tender tokens

But I am still startled at the depth of it
How much and how strongly I feel
When a moment lingers, carved out and expanded
Strange that this can feel as real
As anything