Embrace the Paradox

Embrace the Paradox ~ Original Poetry © JA Valderrama

Archive for the tag “paradox”

10 Oct 2014

How Clear Your Eyes

I can feel you here

And I know that you know

i just want

.

it creeps up on me

The little things accumulating

Floating puzzle pieces finally fitting together

My ah-ha moment a spark searing through me

As I breathe deeply in and out

A tender sizzle sorta feeling

And I know then that you are with me

.

The soft blink of your steady gaze

Finger in mouth for no reason

Pulling on your lip

I stay quiet in my mind as I stare

.

Later on I will feel astonished by how affected I am

It is a squirming wincing thing

Embarrassed and yet delicious

Hunger tickling like a needle

Tracing the surface but never breaking skin

A secret between myself

.

Fluorescent lights and the human pens we find ourselves in

My eyes on you in the cold light of day

Can I still study you now?

After the swirl has run through me in a solo twilight

I bury myself then in the thick folds of blanket

Face pressed in, heart beating loud in my ears

Do I dare?

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11 Jul 2014

Magnets

In my dreams, I turn and turn
Trying to catch a glimpse of myself
I know I am there, just out of reach
My eyes repelled to the sight
Like two magnets opposing one another
For a second, I will myself through
Only to recoil in a momentary panic
The nakedness unbearable
Receding into the unspoken
Indescribable and forgotten

But the dreams keep coming
Hinting of the impenetrable
Perplexing me with the feeling
That I am missing something
Beyond a foggy veil, a mental cataract

The mother turns her gaze away
As if she could wish it all to be well
The child learns through what is not said
Yearning for more, feeling with fingertips
That force, like magnets
Pushing away from the truth

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29 Jan 2014
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Ever

I hear the melody, joyful and brash
A sweet sadness overtaking
Lyrical nostalgia, memory and aliveness
The thrumming beat of belief and import

Three years ago, notes broke the mold
A new era heralded, blazing like the sun
Yet there is no stopping and so we marched on
Enveloping, revising, overlooking
Forgetting much, buried in the now
But not the Now now, lost in the ticking of the clock

Then that tune plays again and I catch a glimpse
Like the thrill of a deep, rich breath
Cool air filling lungs with secret hope
It had seemed impossible then, to stretch that far
We did it somehow, glory ripening into old news

I am astounded by this so-called ordinariness
Of coming and going, beginnings and endings
The moments like waves, bringing tears to my eyes, ready to overwhelm
Others lament and deny, but to gasp at the tragic beauty!
To know, to feel, to be
From fresh darlings, daring and tender
To history done on our wistful skin
It is everything

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31 Dec 2012

Alive

You can tell when I’m fighting it

Can smell it in my words

Oddly enough, the bliss is harder to describe

It takes more skill to catch the flow

Than wrestle in my own skin

Afraid the bliss will overwhelm me

Every cell of my being buzzing

Cosmic orgasmic

So cloak it with shame and forget it

Boast of my pain instead

Yet here it lies underneath

Pulsating with the intensity of emotion

Breathing, hot and cold

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29 Dec 2012

We dip the cup

We dip the cup in the Stream

We freeze solid whatever flows in

Holding it in reverent fear,  like precious cargo

It melts, pooling in our palms

Dripping between our fingers, numb from cold

We act surprised, appalled even

Frantic in our belief that if it had truly been sacred,

It should have stayed frozen.

Buried in our blindness

Craving the deadened

 

They warn us against having a messiah complex

A diagnosis of delusions, of wrongness like food gone bad

So desperate to keep us quiet, our power harnessed and invisible

Casual but constant reinforcement of the lie of our ordinariness

Cut off from our own magic, embalmed with pills and pretty things

Suckered into apologies with derisive laughter and pitying looks

Our hands at each others’ throats in mutual strangulation

We watch the glow of our eyes fade with sick fascination

A little voice cries, fingers trembling, body shuddering

Until we try again

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08 Dec 2012

Cut Out My Own Tongue

Like if I cut out my own tongue

As if I could run from freedom

Too afraid to believe that my stories matter

What have I done, in hasty retreat

Defacing my dreams with a casual ease

Ratcheting up the blur and noise

To cover the siren scream of my heart

At least I have still have a voice

Not yet scraped to shredded bare

Though wary from everyday abuse

The cold curious gleam of vivisection

Raw twitching machine to stunted eyes

Obligatory torture to stymy my presence

Floating far away, to be anyone but me

How boring it must seem, our scramble to be less

Only so many times I can worry about the state of my dress

Waxing my ego to a fine sheen, false prophets enlisted

To carry me, feet off the ground, nerves lost in sticky thought

Forgetting what has brought me here, forgetting who I am

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