Embrace the Paradox

Embrace the Paradox ~ Original Poetry © JA Valderrama

Archive for the tag “mindfulness”

02 Jan 2016

Right Here

I’ve been waiting for my baby to wake up
Years and years, we have walked together
Hand in hand, watching the world go by
There is no time, only a state of mind
And I am attentive to the signs
A flare of recognition
An opening somewhere
I wish to peel away the layer
Like dead skin accumulated
But I know I cannot ripe off the veil
For heroes are a fantasy, the hero knows
Each must come to it alone
The sunrise after the dark night

I drop hints anyway, extended like my love
As I learn to hop higher until I take flight
There comes the day: you are in it, if only for an instant
It’s like tasting food and only then realizing
That you were starving
You want to hold it but you cannot, let it go
Dropping away, falling down
It feels like the ground has been taken away
Was it ever really there, though?
Afraid, because it feels like death when you forget
Everyone forgetting all the time

We worry about what’s around the corner,
When the battle is right here
Not to stay alive,
But to stay awake
Eyes open even in sleep

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07 Feb 2015

The Animals Know

The animals know

They can tell the difference

Between empty, walking shells

Who have not yet opened their eyes

And those whose hearts glow

With the flame of life

No, the breath and the beats do not terrify them

For as long as they can see that you see

That there is a soul stirring

An essence keen on the rhythms of the seasons

And the sounds of the cycles, the waves and the echoes

Not just a robot in the flesh

All reflexes and automatic action

Going through the motions

Head in the clouds of our minds

Reeling from one place to another

Locked in our skulls, lost in the dark

This is what scares the animals

The careless brutality

Of thoughts running away, and we chase

The whimsy feeding on itself

Like a snake eating its tail

The “Of course, of course!”

As we keep flying towards the sun

Always looking over there and not here

Following our templates, building our temples

In the ruins of the sacred we cannot see

Crushed in the grip of our grasping

Our fear of not counting and never existing

Walking shells, empty cells

Like zombies in the mist

We make it so

Don’t you remember what the animals know?

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11 Jul 2014

Magnets

In my dreams, I turn and turn
Trying to catch a glimpse of myself
I know I am there, just out of reach
My eyes repelled to the sight
Like two magnets opposing one another
For a second, I will myself through
Only to recoil in a momentary panic
The nakedness unbearable
Receding into the unspoken
Indescribable and forgotten

But the dreams keep coming
Hinting of the impenetrable
Perplexing me with the feeling
That I am missing something
Beyond a foggy veil, a mental cataract

The mother turns her gaze away
As if she could wish it all to be well
The child learns through what is not said
Yearning for more, feeling with fingertips
That force, like magnets
Pushing away from the truth

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31 Dec 2012

Alive

You can tell when I’m fighting it

Can smell it in my words

Oddly enough, the bliss is harder to describe

It takes more skill to catch the flow

Than wrestle in my own skin

Afraid the bliss will overwhelm me

Every cell of my being buzzing

Cosmic orgasmic

So cloak it with shame and forget it

Boast of my pain instead

Yet here it lies underneath

Pulsating with the intensity of emotion

Breathing, hot and cold

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29 Dec 2012

We dip the cup

We dip the cup in the Stream

We freeze solid whatever flows in

Holding it in reverent fear,  like precious cargo

It melts, pooling in our palms

Dripping between our fingers, numb from cold

We act surprised, appalled even

Frantic in our belief that if it had truly been sacred,

It should have stayed frozen.

Buried in our blindness

Craving the deadened

 

They warn us against having a messiah complex

A diagnosis of delusions, of wrongness like food gone bad

So desperate to keep us quiet, our power harnessed and invisible

Casual but constant reinforcement of the lie of our ordinariness

Cut off from our own magic, embalmed with pills and pretty things

Suckered into apologies with derisive laughter and pitying looks

Our hands at each others’ throats in mutual strangulation

We watch the glow of our eyes fade with sick fascination

A little voice cries, fingers trembling, body shuddering

Until we try again

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08 Dec 2012

Cut Out My Own Tongue

Like if I cut out my own tongue

As if I could run from freedom

Too afraid to believe that my stories matter

What have I done, in hasty retreat

Defacing my dreams with a casual ease

Ratcheting up the blur and noise

To cover the siren scream of my heart

At least I have still have a voice

Not yet scraped to shredded bare

Though wary from everyday abuse

The cold curious gleam of vivisection

Raw twitching machine to stunted eyes

Obligatory torture to stymy my presence

Floating far away, to be anyone but me

How boring it must seem, our scramble to be less

Only so many times I can worry about the state of my dress

Waxing my ego to a fine sheen, false prophets enlisted

To carry me, feet off the ground, nerves lost in sticky thought

Forgetting what has brought me here, forgetting who I am

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