That You Exist
Can I just say how much I appreciate
That you exist?
All the things I do not know
All the conversations we have not had
A relationship defined as much
By the spaces between words
And the gaps between moments
For what was there to speak of?
Awkward smatterings and tokens
Created as an excuse to intersect
In small, but somehow important ways
And ticking down now
.
The air a heavy wind within me
Precious regard disguised in the routine
I have given up trying to hold on
Having worked hard, in fact, to let it die
Though it still arcs with hidden potential
Glistening, ambient, and charged
Careful now! Riding it out, patient to the end
No room for deviation, no quarter given or returned
.
I have thought of these final days, in wonder
Of how it would unfold
If one of us would break
Like an actor dissolving the fourth wall
Shouting out of character
Out of our thinking, bound up selves
Yet we remain still, in cool collusion
Poised, a moving freeze frame
An unanswered dare of waiting
.
At that point, soon,
Where we, as much as “we” ever were
Will be a footnote of the past
A shared, unspoken, fanciful thing
Fingers lightly tapping out a beat
A dream in our heads, unshakeable and persistent
A kernel in stasis, shiny and unbidden
I am not sorry for it, not one bit
For I am glad that I have breathed you in
I am glad that you exist
Embrace the Paradox 