Around and Around
All the ways I can think of to get away from myself
Busy hands mapping anywhere but here
Roving eyes flitting but never staying for too long
I see what I am doing but then I bolt again
Nervous jaw chewing lips raw just to feel something, anything
Then weariness descending like a fog until I am swathed helpless
How are we supposed to do this?
I am afraid to slow down to stillness
Scared of what I might find
Lying there suspended in mid air
Until the tears clog up my passageways
Too weak to sprout, but not weak enough to ignore
The fingernail grip and panic dread
The stagnant weight
Warriors, weary and bereft of magic
Lost amid the constant rebuilding and forgetting
Done with this world and yet cowering before the next
Yearning to soar, to glide with affectless delight
Promises of freedom cool, the healing waters of a baptism
Why then does it always collapse into a hardness and puffery?
A gritting of teeth as the glory fades and headaches set in
The surface remains the same
But the essence, the underneath, shifts with tricks
So slippery, the meaning, the feel of it when it’s right
Trying and trying
Lost and found then lost again
Tinkering in the dark
Around and around
Embrace the Paradox 